On beta male mating behaviour

Saint Sebastian
Andrea Mantegna

Beta males are better than all the other males.

They listen, they care and beg for your trust. They carry your banner while all the others just want to use you. But deep down they wish they had the courage to be like the grossest of the alpha males. Their intentions when around women are basically the same but because they are weak, they choose to roll over on their backs and show you their belly. This pantomime is meant to lead you to believe that you are in control whether, in reality, it’s the other way around. 

Beta males are beta because they don’t want to be alpha.

They could never be leaders. They believe in equality as a value and they don’t bother to compete with other men for women. However, the problem is that they are not only shorter, skinnier and usually uglier but also lack the confidence and the vertebrally erect posture of their opponents, the alpha males. They know it well and they spend most of their time brooding over it. In a world where toxic maleness is standard, their adaptive mating strategy makes them appear kinder, softer and inoffensive. By not considering them a threat, you end up giving them more attention than the one they’d actually deserve, which is none. And, obviously, they’ll always make you regret it. 

Moby’s attitude towards Natalie Portman is a blueprint of beta male behaviour towards women

Beta males are there for you. 

They never let you down. Every time, they always have the right thing to tell you. That’s because they weave endless internal dialogues they repeat to themselves before daring to approach you. They are far too insecure about their own personal assets and their ego is too fragile for them to let you know about their true aim. They can fly around you in circles like tiny black vultures for a long time and always make up excuses to be near you. They tend to use intellectual baits to reach carnal goals and the prospect of having sex or, for the most modest ones among them, getting any kind contact with women is their main motivation for reading books and watching films. 

Beta males are your friends. 

Your friendship brings out the best in them and you are, definitely, one of their best buddies. Having the same thing in mind as all the other non-beta males but with less resources to reach it, beta males thrive in the friend zone. By leading you to believe that they are only interested in your amazing personality and charming wits, they won’t miss the chance to hold your hand to congratulate you or hug you when you’re sad and then masturbate over it once they get home. 

Beta males are feminists.

They have lots of female friends and women always played the most important roles in their lives. They are so feminist they can mansplain feminism to you. The reality is that they feel uncomfortable around other men. Also, they feel entitled to sex and female attention and stating they are feminist, vegan or politically progressive is just a way to be near feminist, vegan and politically progressive women while appearing unmenacing. They are actually misogynistic and they secretly hate you for not giving them the devotion they crave. Sooner than you think, they will make you pay for it. 

Beta males were victims of neglect by their mothers.

They collect lots of stories about how horrible their mother was and love to tell you how neglected they were. They use them to justify their self-loathe and to inspire pity and inject guilt in you. They actually have mommy-issues and because they feel their mother didn’t love them enough, all the women in the world should make up for it. The lack of physical contact with their mothers during the first years of their lives wired their brain to franticly seek female approval and/ or sex. In case it is not obtained or it is withdrawn – which happens often- they sulk and will seek revenge. They can simmer forever in their own negative emotions and blame you for it. You and all the other women.

Beta males love and admire their mothers.

They grew up listening to their mother saying how wonderful, smart and handsome they were. Unfortunately for them, all the other women do not share their mother’s opinion and that makes them all “sluts”. You included. They convince themselves that women only like men who mistreat them. Or men whom they can manipulate. And, obviously, they are nothing of that. They are precious gems that no woman but their mothers will ever be able to appreciate. Their mothers agree.

Beta males are nice guys.

They help you even when you don’t ask for help. They obsess over finding a solution to your problems. They ask you complex questions and listen to you until you finish every sentence. If they were honest, they’d tell you they’ve learnt  all that on those pickup artists’ videos on Youtube they eagerly consume. But if they were honest, they wouldn’t be beta and, if they were nice, they wouldn’t talk about you the way they do when around other men.

Beta males are pacifists.

They hate violence and conflict. They are all for universal love and peace. Anything which is not a passive-aggressive way to deal with their own disgruntlements  – which are always the fault of others’- is cruelty and hysteria. Their innate cowardice gives them – apart from a shiny aura – the appearance of harmlessness. The minute they’ll feel rejected by you, you’ll be surprised at how little enlightened they are.  

Beta males are flexible.

They insist, persist and, if you allow them, will forever hang around, making you believe that their companionship is fireproof. They pretend not to understand polite “noes” and make sure they always keep in touch, by sending texts and messages which periodicity is scientifically calculated. Never assume you were clear in your refusal. Their flexibility is a direct result of their lack of spinal chord and they are resistant to any kind of common sense. 

In conclusion, to live a happy and peaceful life, keep other kinds of toxic males far away from you but, when it comes to beta males keep them even farther.

Are privileged women turned on by sexual objectification?

According to a recently made survey which involved 25,000 people in 23 major countries, yes they are.

Roughly, the narrower the gap between men and women in economical and socio-political terms, the less the women of those countries embrace the importance of feminism in those achievements. 

As if this weren’t already bad enough, it seems they also romantize toxic masculinity. 

Let’s go down to numbers and sordid details:

– Only 1 in each 10 German women considers herself a feminist. In Turkey, for instance, that number doubles. 

– In Germany, 2 out of 10 women disapprove of the #metoo movement. The Danish women are the champions in this depressing panorama since 2 out of 5 fear that this movement against rape culture and sexual harassment creates obstacles to enjoyable relationships between men and women. 

– More than a quarter of German women think that wolf-whistling is acceptable. This number is only outranked by Denmark in which a third of the women are pretty much O.K. with this toxic male behaviour. On the other hand, in Turkey, only 5 in 100 women find the same sort of male entitlement acceptable. 

In conclusion: more women in Germany feel offended by being called a feminist than by being catcalled by guys on the street. 

And all these findings do not come as a surprise to me since they really do match my experience.

Me, as a woman growing up in southern Europe, who disliked being seen as an object on display and having judgements of strangers being thrown at, always found amazing how some female tourists from Central and Northern Europe found charming the toxic behaviours of Latin men.  During some “girl talks”, quite a few confided to me that, unfortunately, in their country men were not as “passionate” or “warm” like the Portuguese, Italian or Spanish ones. That German, Swedish or Danish men hardly ever told them how good they looked and seldom did they give them  compliments. Apparently and according to their narratives, hardly ever men took the initiative to courtship so, it was refreshing, for them, being in a country where women were “appreciated”.

Let’s talk then about female appreciation and focus on a survey made last year which included most European countries and focused on the time each gender dedicated to household chores. Let’s take the example of the forever masters of wolf-whistling, Italy!

In Italy, 81% of the women performed daily tasks such as cleaning and cooking. Only 13% of the men did the same. In all the other Mediterranean countries the numbers aren’t very different while, in Germany, the number of women in the same circumstances lowers to 72% and the percentage of men who seem to enjoy domestic chores raises ro 29%. Not surprisingly, that number of “cold” but highly active males when it comes to domestic tasks is even higher in Scandinavia. 

Yes ladies, to your disgruntlement, one thing does not seem to come without the other.

“Hot-blooded” guys who feel entitled enough to wolf-whistle strangers on the street but who are devoted parents and companions and who are equally fiery about sharing annoying tasks with their partners only exist in your minds. 

So, it seems that women who are for long exposed to more social equality between genders tend to mistake “appreciation” for objectification and submission. 

To make it simple, the traditional concept of seduction implies the active use of specific lines and codes which foresee the surrender of the target who is, naturally, the woman. Praising is the main tool. Praising her eyes, her lips, her body or her intelligence. The source of inspiration for the appraisal varies according to the level of  training and smartness of the seductive agent who is, obviously, the man. 

Therefore, in a culture where “decent” women have to be seduced, the charm of the seducer relies on his ability to praise the prey and his value is based on how successful he is in turning a “saint” into a ‘whore”.

The secret of seduction is never telling the truth, even less in a direct manner. Everyone sticks to innuendos. In order to get to the point of the whole seduction process, men and women play roles, cover their true intentions, send mixed signals and act according to a script defined by ancestral habits. The man is active, the female is passive. He plays to win and if he wins, she is taken and then becomes one of his “conquests”. These mises-en-scène take place on the street, at the working place, at the supermarket, at school, on the metro, at the doctor’s office.

With or without women’s consent.

Female consent isn’t even a variable to be considered in these equation. Because in a culture in which women have to play “hard to get” in order to be seen as “honorable” – even when they are interested in the man in question – what’s the real value of a “no”?

Thus, the questions that arise here are several:

Why do women who, through the feminist ideology, have achieved so many social and political rights, feel the need to be treated like a object, by being praised by stranger men? 

Why do they think that equality between genders is a threat to the relationship between genders?

Why can’t they conceive “passion” without subordination?

And most importantly, why do they show contempt towards feminism, the exact same ideology which grated them all the rights they now enjoy?

Is privilege creating a cultural retrocession when it comes to the way women see themselves in the world?

It is likely that the conquests achieved in the realm of female rights are too recent to contradict the solidly founded archetypes based on legends, fairytales and centuries of gendered-based narratives. In more equalitarian social circumstances, the need for men to play the male traditional role and the women to play their “feminine but not feminist” part tends to be less therefore, it seems that these women start missing being treated as subordinates.

Looking at the results of this survey, it seems there is no middle ground. As a woman, either you are treated like an object/ prize/ princess and praised, seduced, wolf-whistled or catcalled, or enjoy real social rights like smaller gendered gap, equal employment rights and universal nursery care.

In such dimension where women would prefer to be seen as objects of desire and take for granted the social rights feminists have fought for, there seems to be less and less room for healthy interactions between two adults who share the common goal of reaching whichever type of intimacy with one another and be clear about it, in a state of equality.

That’s why feminism is still necessary. Even if privileged women think it is not. 

For more details about the above mentioned surveys , check YouGov-Cambridge Globalism Project (https://yougov.co.uk/topics/international/articles-reports/2019/05/01/about-yougov-cambridge-globalism-project) and https://www.ine.pt/scripts/wm_v_final/index.html?lang=pt